I detected through some services that this post has been removed, thus before I forget I placed this back to be a part of my blog list, as this belongs to my site. This was written right after I (we) found that my blog site was hacked and hijacked in series of passwords being changed and that I needed to reset the password quite number of times. This blog site was only meant to be for my personal spiritual journey that was meant to be only for myself. I was always writing about my spiritual walk, and this blog was not necessarily for anyone or the world to read but only for me. As I experienced this continual hacking and the subtle mind manipulation and the intimidation, my buried and the tried-to-forget-and-forgive emotion came back, as hacking was done in subtle ways that no one knew but me..and that was always the way to intimidate me..in such a subtle way that someone was enjoying doing it. I am finally standing up which I didn’t before, knowing everything – how everything was going. I didn’t deal with this in a mean way for a long time, as our time should be spent for something more worthwhile like doing things to make the world a better place. I scan through this quickly, I find I did write things out of my emotions, remembering those many long months that I were bullied day in day out every day with those mocking sarcastic negative tweets that were not encouraging me to grow but rather seemingly assaults – extinguish..such as “… and some don’t deserve..” “best to look natural, but some needs makeup to look natural..” – tweeted at specific number minutes..tweeted. It really wasn’t the way or intent to help support or guide but rather to kill. People who were trying to help being on my side forgot this as I was away for 7 months (I never asked to be on my side but i sensed that they knew me by instinct that I am honest, and whatever I did they tried to make a big deal out of, which was unintentional, and which in fact they knew was nothing, too, but somehow needed to create drama) what it was like when I struggled through and yet with a positive attitude to continue on, never letting those bullying leaders get to me, as my conscience was clear, and as I knew God was always with me, knowing all the truth behind the scene, while I do acknowledge I was not always right, being a newbie in smedia, trying to learn. I was honest.
Why was/is it you have other billions of people to be able to get busy with, when I was not even following you, or not even knew you or twitter enough to put you on the follow list – someone who was just starting out with less than 2000 followers that you really wouldn’t even want to pay attention to in the first place.. There was no place where I claimed to be someone and spoke about what I do or who I am. There is no story about me that you are trying to make out of. I do know why you have to do that..even to do such drastic thing to gather people just to defend yourself spread the gossips. This is the game. Knowing it, out of love I never said it nor letting this get to me. Unless I stand up for what is right this goes on forever just for you to justify. Why do I have to go as far as you go, when in fact I have no social media reputation to begin with that I must worry..nothing. It’s an integrity issue. I don’t have to protect my reputation, as I don’t have to begin with. It’s all about the integrity. “The truth of dignity is lost with much protest” ~ quote. I’ve never protest as I know this is my life thus there is no one knows the story about my life better than myself, thus there was no need to protest. This does not mean I am right in everything, but how I wished we could talk to each other instead of about each other. Please do not play game any more..and control what I do..like here. This is my property. You have no reason to play games in someone else private house.. Like twitter account, and fb. What you did really was a drastic thing..to think about it now finally… All these dots were all unrelated. I will explain everything what you all tried to do from the very beginning. My truth will hurt someone and someone’s reputation. And yet, it is much better than taking it to the court…as you did discuss and spread some of the untrue stories yourself like gossips without me being present unlike the court cases done fairly with the plaintiff and the defendant present. It was always one-sided. What surprised me was people all believed it with no thoughts and joined the bullying gang team. What you hear is one thing, and take action and do is another which reveals your true character.
More to come when my time allows. I just noticed this post was removed and stirred me a little. This has to stop. You don’t understand my intention – love, knowing all the truth and how they were manipulated, and yet I didn’t come forward and explain. Now is the time. I don’t feel guilty before God, as I don’t see this as something I am saying and doing on my own.
1. When I was struggling my life with many deaths and various difficulty and spent time on twitter to escape my pain. Is one dot.
2. When hacked and dm (not really the regular DMS but more like a bulletin board, writing sermon-like notes to my friends. Is another. I never dm’ed to anyone except when I received and in response to them. Except for a few when I wanted to congratulate some for achieving the to ranking in that part of the world. And when the guy specialized in Alzheimer’s decease, I asked him some questions via dm.
3. With or without me, the hacking was going on. I was warned by someone via dm, “I warn you about “so and so, All he thinks about is the money. This is another dot which must be hidden and the drama must be created to back it up.
One conversation in tweet “I never thought about him. he could really be the one who can help us.”
Another conversation.. When someone who was on my side trying to tweet something in favor of me.. one tweeted, ‘You vs. Cat (me)’ (meaning, you go for her, or you go for yourself..your reputation..)
4. When one of the leaders mistakenly thought whatever he heard… which I now understand why..
(Continue…when my time allows)
As I see everything has been done unfairly – all one sided and been gossiped (I don’t see the way handled as the appropriate means to solve the problem. It simply is a bunch of illegal means and a pa k of gossips. I am not upset as this has been going on for such a long time. Do I respect you, yes I do, but I came to realize this is necessary before God. I was ignorant newbie, especially when I was going through a tough time almost wanted to die..kind of mental state at that time. We all go through things, and I did. What I needed was the hearts of unconditional love and comfort.
You care only about the reputation, and if that means that you must shift your principles and the value..? No sense of conscience prick the heart? You know you can’t get by if you know there really is god. I have lots of love, but I just cant compromise when it comes to lies, la k of integrity. I show let the other cheek to be slapped for a long time. Matthew 10:16 “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”
I’ve been away for Thanksgiving holidays. Nice to be back and being renewed in my spirit. Would love to take it easy this week and take some time off from my business and relax. I am at the Starbuck and drinking coffee and writing my diary.. talking to myself and God..
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I used to make my own homemade soaps for my home use and for my family as well as very special friends – especially those who has the knowledge of aromatherapy and the value of essential oils, as using 8-10% of essential oils for soap making is unrealistically impossible, if you were consumers, knowing how expensive it is to use such a high percentage of essential oils. Those store-sold soaps contains only 0.1-1% of eo, and I was told when they claim their soaps contain more than 1% or even 0.5%, the labels are often printed incorrectly. So, using more than 10% of EO is way beyond what anyone in the industry would do for soaps or how anyone in the industry would teach the aroma craze beginners. And if my handmade soaps were to be sold in the store (which I knew I wouldn’t sell, as all the essential oils and the very high-end quality exotic oils having been used in them, I knew each soap would not make any profit unless sold at $50/ea, and there would be no one who would buy such expensive soaps, therefore, I never even attempted or thought about selling them but just for my personal satisfaction or making my special good friends happy.
When I gave just a few of my soaps to girls whom I really didn’t know at all, they came back asking, almost begging me to sell them $15 a piece, at least not asking for $2-3 a piece..so I could tell somehow they could tell the soaps they used were different, unique, and loving and kind to their skin. So, did I sell them then? No, I didn’t. I didn’t sell my beloved precious ones only at $15 a piece but did give them once more. After that, having learned finally the value of the soaps as much as they loved it, they never came back and asked for it. as I really didn’t know any one of them personally. That was how I treated my soaps. They were not the things but my own pride which I spent my artistic energies, time, love, and my spirit. They became more like my living creatures like dogs or live art things. So whomever I gave my living soaps to were always someone/or people whom I loved and who I thought were very special in my life. It was almost like a Potter/God who creates each pot ( we are pots to Him) in His unique way with His specific purposes, and until they are ready the Master Potter treats each one of them as if only one exists (..like we would treat a diamond) while going through the whole process – glazing and firing – He stares at each one of them day in day out all day everyday with such enthusiasm, curiosity, hope, and such great love.
By the time soaps are ready for use (60 days of a cure period), the creator (me)’s feeling is beginning to get attached to each one of them like her own, almost like her living babies. So, whoever would receive them as gifts are lucky ones and must know the value of each one of them, when held in their hands, knowing the maker (me / Maker/God) who is very special to them, as well.
The soap maker prayed when her masterpiece went out of her hand that the soap would do its mission, inspire and be like a guardian angel to protect the life of a user and to nourish, being kind to their skin. And in turn while enjoying the scents of the soap as they take take shower, bath or doing the home spa, those recipients (friends and family) will in turn bless others as the maker had blessed them through her art pieces. The same is true with our Maker, Creator of the Universe, God, Lord, Abba Father who created us humans who were born as sinners and imperfect.
Yes, if you don’t know God as your Personal Savior, Lord, Person who is alive, who is as close as our own breathes, watching and knowing everything we do in such details, you probably don’t understand any of this thing I’m writing. That’s too bad.. is what I almost would write, but there is a season for every activity under Heaven..is what God would want me to say, like some people who came to know God in their later years, and there was a time or more than once I did stray from God and wanted to taste what the world would be like without Him. So, there is a season for every activity – joy, happiness, sadness, renewal, new opportunities, and many others. Life is good. There is absolutely nothing that can be outside of His knowledge as He created this whole universe with everything in it including us. Thus, these things I am writing is way off… sort of weird in someone’s set mind whose general state of mind thinks he or she is in control and knows everything about everything but the reality is that we have only scratched a very tiny bit of one drop of water in knowledge and wisdom in terms of God’s point of view. So, this little thing I’m writing may not make sense at all to some people (..but not to their spirit as we were all born with a sense of reverence for the sovereignty of God in the form of instinct) as they may have never encountered any life events that changed them to be more sensitive to voice of God and being more vulnerable enough to know the true needs of others (..others whose needs may even be unknown to their senses at times) or it could be that upbringing is such that some never had a chance to be truly loved and to love unselfishly thus anything some do or actions are based on what their physical eyes see and want without any consideration at all of .. ‘what if’ ..there is another way of looking at life and things we come across in our life..and what if’ there is God who is closer than our own breaths, knowing all about us – our past – our present – and our future of what and where we will end up with and in. One who created us – each one of us to be different and unique – designed to do what is good, and not what is bad – for our Creator who created us. We all had lived our life in the way we wanted and may have done what may not have pleased our Creator one time or the other in our life, as we really didn’t know where and Whom we came from, not knowing His ultimate purposes here on earth. What does He want? How much does He loves us…
His Masterpieces on the Potter’s shelf are meant to be ready at His designed time (divine time) to go out there and live life in a deep relationship with Him and touch the world in the way the Master intended. We will all die someday. There is no one who could avoid it as we all know there was not even one who was an exception being alive in the history. As each masterpiece of my soap will be used up to nothing eventually, having done all that was purposed to have fulfilled its purposes, we will all be consumed someday and leave our body someday. Could we let our Creator fulfill His purposes in us before we leave this earthly body and arrive at our ultimate place – the Heaven?
I still have some soaps on stock which still make my eyes and nose (still smell good) happy but I haven’t had time to do this sort of thing these days, as my business takes lots of my time and mental energies. God is in every part of my life – my business and everyday life as I communicate with this awesome God… I have been less active in the cyber world these days, and have no desire or intention to become active, especially in how I choose to spend my time. Our time is precious and should only be spent for good use (successful business, spiritual things, and good friends), dealing with things and people who add the good value to our life. Again and again I have realized whom I belong to in this life and in the next life, and that the time we spend should be well spent for good use to glorify His name, as our time here is coming to an end very soon, as all other prediction/prophesies have been already fulfilled according to all that is written in the Bible.
I’ve been asking God to help those who do things like hacking (cracking – new terminology in my dictionary) online and help them come to realize what is missing in their life – a great sense of integrity, honesty, self-respect, self-love, self-esttem. People naturally own a sense of high integrity would no way be able to do that. It’s not the matter of whether you believe in God or disblieve in God. It’s not something that could happen overnight or on impulse for the first time. It’s the manifestation of what the mind naturally works. It could be God who is knocking on the door of my soul or heart, as my heart goes out to those people with a sense of compassion. God wants us ALL to go to Heaven when we die which we won’t be able to avoid. It will eventually happen. Our home is actually Heaven, and our time here is a journey heading to Heaven.
I begin to pray that their sense of unworthiness will be healed by the mighty power of God and that they will begin to respect and love themselves so that in turn they will begin to do things in the correct way and love others with a genuine love with respect so that they could go out there and reach out and touch the world. And that they will begin to focus on their own life, not looking outside, and find that there are good things in their life too that they can be thankful for and being satisfied with, knowing their life is unique in their own way and that there is no need to look on the affairs of others whom they’ve never met or don’t even know, as it’s the manifestation of their life being unfulfilled. Often times when they do what they do and how they do, they don’t even realize to the core of their beings, if realistically and wisely analyzed in depth and in truth, they haven’t come to grasp this simple fact that they don’t respect and love themselves. When you respect and love yourself, the simple fact is that you are just not able to do anything that would prick your conscience and instead you tend to want to reach out and touch others and help fulfill others needs..because you love yourself and can’t help doing it.
With a sense of compassion my heart goes out to those who may need the healing power of God and that they don’ t have to stay in the past.. perhaps due to their upbringing or perhaps they were not fortunate enough to have genuine friends in the past who would never be able to give them the right advices or not being honest with them, telling them what must be corrected with the truth, or perhaps coming from a broken family, whatever it may have been, but God can help any of that and can change the situations and people – Always – if they’re ready and willing, as they come to accept His mercies and love. Like I said, I am not perfect by any means and have done things I knew God would not be pleased, just as everyone else, but I could never deny and forget the Maker’s existence and presence around me, thus I could not stay away from His care as I knew He loved me and cared for me SO much throughout the years that I experienced Him.
Once you have established a relationship with God, there is no other place where your soul is completely satisfied. THAT, I feel I am fortunate to be able to hear His Voice. That’s a Gift from Him. And I am blessed in that. The same is true with those people whom my heart goes out to with a compassion. God is willing. Once there is a good connection with God, nothing is impossible and that their life too will be fulfilled and blessed in the mighty way and that they would look back and wonder how they could possibly made their life the way it was before but will see the new reality with God and being very .. very happy in Him
I can’t help but seek God to help them as they are blinded and not knowing what’s going on in the invisible realm of the Universe. It’s not them but the Evil force of the darkness that is manipulating. As Bible repeatedly says, as well as all the well-known dynamic preachers, The Bible is based on the fact of the 2nd Coming of Yeshua.. That is what The Bible is based and is all about, and if anyone says she or he believes The Bible but doesn’t believe this part, then she or he doesn’t believe in The Bible altogether and God. Period. God’s desire is for everyone to be saved before His 2nd return, including those who are ignorantly, unknowingly (as the invisible realm is not understood and that God knows and sees all), and finally maliciously performing what have not been pleasing to God’s sight ..but God forgives, if they only make a decision to accept Him and seek forgiveness. As I was letting the legal professionals proceed with their promising direction (lawsuit), I came to the point where I was unsure if taking that direction is something I should go for, as doing it is an easy way .. but what about the souls that are being lost. It could be that I was to pray for those in trouble.
I also came to be aware those professionals who were just and righteous and ..helpful as far as the Law is concerned but none of them were believers and that they look at issues or things in life Not in the way I do (God is important in my life) who only wanted to take the legal action as they are so familiar with it and to blame and condemn the bad by getting their work done in such quick quick way seem(ed) all they think about.
The closer I get to God, the more I am aware I am being sensitive to the needs of others including those who really didn’t make my life pleasurable but hurt me a great deal.. those dishonest real estate agents, people in the remodeling contracting industry who were incredibly criminally dishonest.. and people whom I ran into in the recent year.. and yet, if you look at them like babies, with them not knowing where they came from (god) and who their parents are (babies don’t know their parents), it’s really their ignorance or self-hatred as well as low self-esteem as a result of their past life. It was their misfortune and that they were never being exposed to good people, good things in life.. or perhaps they were poor and needed the money thus needed to find the way to make money.. well then, we should look at the core issue of why they do what they do and how they do things. I am not in the position to help them out in a particular way, as I really don’t know any one of them personally or will never see them in person in real life, however, I begin to think I should begin and continually pray for their life and for their soul. Relying on the law or on legal people who know and do what they do by occupation is an easy way but am I happy doing that dealing with negatives ? (as well as having dealt with those kind of people whose moral values and words were so negative so natural to them – day in day out all day everyday..it’s like it’s their natural way of life.
Coming from the background where all I grew up hearing was always positive words, warm love, trust, respect, friendliness, smiles and laughter everywhere, fighting back was not my way and was something always unnecessary and foreign to me..until I came to live in Calif where I had to deal with so many incredibly awesomely dishonest people in the remodeling contract business industry as well as in the real estate business. Being an asian I was forced to learn to become more bold, standing up for what I believed was right for the sake of making the world a better place, not for my own sake, dealing with criminal-like liers whose minds were always scheming to make unlawful money with no hesitation. I remember I continually shook my head and didn’t know what I was getting into. Being nice and kind were wrongly taken advantage of. I learned great lessons then.That shy girl who always used to say ‘yes’ ‘yes’ to everything was finally forced to stand up and spoke up. Then, there came another incredible movie-like ‘whoa’ story that I came across lately in the cyber world. To this day, I still don’t know what I got into and why, and what I had done as an enthusiastic newbie in the world of social media who was ignorant, yes, to start with.. and anyone would have readily been making mistakes, when you were new in every field. Everyone makes a mistake one time or the other in life, but the strange thing was that anything attempted to change for the better was not taken with positive remarks or being understood but Only negative word after word, things never changed. There was no end to it. So why were they doing it.. was everyone’s question.Through the church people and their almost strong command to me according to the Bible, who serisously take God’s Word as the guidance and God as the Lord of their life, I no longer wanted to be any part of the negative contaminated environment with no God in it but with non-leadership type of persons whose natural way of life was so comically negative and not encouraging at all and that where they came from and what they had done in the past would have had something to do with how they handled things which was something outside the scope of the kind of background I came from. I didn’t understand at all. If things were explained verbally and clearly, and if things had begun moving for the better and to the specific goal, then things could progress tangibly, but everything was so vague and so mysterious. IN any case, I came to my conclusion that I no longer wanted to take any part of that little unreal segment of the cyber world, having misspent my energies, efforts, the whole year of cultivating my own network for future business, trying to be friendly and to get to know as many people as possible.
Instead, like many other believers, I want my precious time spent for good use helping others in need by getting involved in volunteer activities, spending time with the like-minded people including my successful friends. Dealing with people with no integrity and dealing with the law professionals including the law enforcement, I realized, was the same – negative. Relying on the legal professionals who do not live their life for God, although I do believe they will win the case with no problem as their confidence and performance have been demonstrated greatly, if I let myself continue on the case, I begin to see the whole picture which I believe was from God that I don’t want to deal with any type of negative people as well as negative things (dealing with the law professionals, I would still have to put myself in such a mental mode or in the position to work against or to blame the targets just like the legal professionals working against them as well on my behalf – it’s negative, by recalling, speaking lots and gathering the negative documents – which is really against my natural nature that was imprinted in me since I was a child up to now, as I was raised that way. We feel naturally happy and in peace when we find good things in others, not against others. I don’t know how on earth those individuals in the cyber world could maintain such negativity dwelling on the past for such a very long time. I really don’t understand to this day. How that could be made possible, while we were same human beings.
My priority in life is God and to learn more and more of Him and His love. I simply wanted to get everything, anyone and everyone who was not right and so negative out of my life and wanted to spend my precious time and months and years to come with positive people who are genuinely successful in their life. I have learned that in many aspects as I read in many blogs, too, the cyber world is not really real and not transparent, although I did meet the very nice people who were worthy to keep in contact for the years to come. Some of them were very blessings to me. I am grateful to this day when I think about them and what they had done for me.
I sidetracked my writing a bit from the attitude of praying for those whose moral value seemed so different from ours/mine and do not add any value to our/my life.. and yet, when I refresh my mind and think of them differently ..that they never had a chance to be exposed to the right environment with the right people who were honest enough or friend enough to tell them what may have been right or wrong when they were right or wrong, a sense of compassion within me begin to take place. The environment where we are and where we came from has a lot to do with how we manage things with a sense of integrity, honesty, and respect oneself. However, God can change all things. There is nothing impossible with God. Apostle Paul was a murderer killing many Christian people first, and yet as Jesus appeared to him and turned his life all around – upside down and is now known to the world as the greatest man in the history after Jesus. We shouldn’t give up on things including on people, too. I remind myself of that.
I’ve left everything to God’s Hand, as I know He is aware of my prayers. It’s so nice knowing to the core of my being, it’s for a 100% certain, God is in me, knowing all about what i went through and what I had felt and what I still feel, as well as many of my Christian brothers and sisters. I am in great peace and happiness now, and my close friends tell me my comedian nature has come back with many laughter and giggles. I told ya God, I am comedian by nature with giggles all year around. “He” is .. yes, You, yes You, Abba!, “You” are a Great God. Wonderful God. Thank you for working through me, in me, with me, around me and people of faith in my life as I reach and touch others. I am truly blessed in the name of Yeshua. Thanks for listening to all this I am mumbling and praying at the same time. :) Holy kisses and hugs. I didn’t intend to write such a lengthy diary today but I let my fingers continue on moving on my keyboard. I rest now, Abba. You know! Love you. It’s funny. I began writing this as if I were talking to someone – perhaps some visitors like I had before, but then I ended up with my prayer and mumbling to You, Abba. Well.. after all, this blog is for myself, so it’s okay. It’s a free style writing. :D Hug hug, Dad.